nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
