OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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