Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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