we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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