coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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