I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just want nice things and good sex
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
