areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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