I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
