I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
