I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize