Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
