so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
