I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
