Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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