If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
