Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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