I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
