Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
