like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
