he thought i was a dude.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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