Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I checked into jail on foursquare
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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