so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
