He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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