I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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