still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
