The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
