I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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