he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
