you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
