nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
