Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
