So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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