I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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