is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
