I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
third nipple confirmed
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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