This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
