I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize