apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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