I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
