I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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