Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
