I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
