so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
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It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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