sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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