I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i drank out of a bidet.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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