we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
