3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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