I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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