You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
