i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
