Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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