sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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