True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
