I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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