How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
