My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
