i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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