i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
