now i know why i became what i already was.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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