we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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