My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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