Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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