if you like me you must not know who I am
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
