KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
