shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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